All I Really Want
by AndAllThatMishigas
Summary: Emily Gilmore through the separation, from walking out the door to "Come home."


Author's Note: I realized that Other Side of the Door by Taylor Swift is basically Emily during the separation. I told my friend and she demanded that I write it into a story, so here we are. Please review :)

 **All I Really Want**

"That is it!" Emily stood up from the dining room table and stormed off.

Richard threw his napkin onto his half-finished plate. "What are you going on about now?" he called after her.

She didn't stop her mission upstairs, but shouted at him as she walked away. "I have had enough of this, Richard. I can't stand it for one more second."

He had to take the stairs two at a time to catch up to her. "Emily! What are you talking about?"

She didn't respond this time. She went straight to the closet and grabbed a small suitcase, throwing a few things in it that she would need for the next few days.

"Emily, what are you doing?" he asked, a hint of fear in his tone.

She looked up at him with a fire in her dark eyes. "I'm going to a hotel. I cannot be in this house with you like this for one more second!"

He gaped at her, stunned. Well, fine. If that's the way she wanted it, he'd let her act as ridiculously as she wanted. "Fine," he said simply.

Emily hadn't expected that. But fine, if that's how he felt, she wouldn't back down. After taking a few things from the bathroom, she zipped up the suitcase and carried it downstairs. Richard followed her, but he didn't seem too keen on stopping her. He didn't say anything as she got in her car and drove to the hotel. He just stood by the front door and watched her go. Emily could feel her heart breaking. She had been desperate enough to make a big gesture, hoping beyond hope to get some kind of reaction out of him. But instead, he did absolutely nothing. He let her leave.

As she drove, Emily was reminded of their very early days together. When she had found out about Pennilyn Lott, she had been so angry at him. She'd told him to choose, and when he hesitated, she'd screamed at him to leave and never speak to her again. But Richard hadn't accepted that. He somehow showed up outside her apartment at Smith every single day for two weeks, rain or shine. He had looked so sad and mildly pathetic as the rain poured down on him. One day he hadn't been there when she got home from class, but instead arrived late that night. Throwing pebbles at her window. The sound had woken her up and she went to see what all the fuss was about. When she saw it was Richard, she asked him what the hell he was doing, her tone very scandalized. And he just smiled up at her and shouted that he was in love with her. And that he would never give up until she understood exactly what that meant. They had been married less than a year later.

All those years ago—nearly forty now—he had fought for her. He had loved her so much that he'd risked his reputation and his dignity to prove his devotion to her. And now, that's all she wanted. She wanted to know that he thought she was still worth fighting for. It seemed she had her answer.

She spent over a week at that hotel. Staring at the phone, hoping Richard would call. Hiding the truth from her friends and family, ashamed that she'd admitted defeat in her own marriage. Emily could hear her dear friend Sweetie's voice in her head, asking what the hell she was doing. But Emily knew. _I want him to love me again_. And she wouldn't give up until he did.

And so it went on for months. Emily did everything she could think of to give Richard an opportunity to prove her wrong. How desperately she wanted to be wrong about the fact that their marriage had lost the strength it once possessed. Richard didn't want her anymore. She tried to convince herself that she didn't need him either, hiding behind anger and rules for their separation and thinly veiled competition between them. Yes, she'd walked away. Yes, she'd told him to leave and move into the pool house. Yes, she'd slammed the door on him when he tried to get back in the house to get things from his study. But shouldn't he know her better than that by now?

At times, she nearly broke down and asked him to come back. But she couldn't. Not when they found that dog and spent all that time taking care of it. They'd been a team, almost back to the unity as a couple they'd once had. But she couldn't beg him to love her any more than she could change the color of her own eyes. It was just against her nature. If he wouldn't back down, neither would she. She did, however, distract herself from the loneliness by staying up all night and looking through their old family photo albums, hoping that all of this was just a bad dream, and she could pinch herself and wake up in their happier times.

The worst had been after that ill-fated date with Simon MacLane. Spending that lovely night with an attractive man who was interested in her was so refreshing. But then coming home to the empty house…their empty house. Later, Emily had hated herself for standing there, crying silently. She'd even gone so far as to stand in the dark living room and stare at the light emanating from the pool house, knowing everything she needed was on the other side of the door. Even then, at that low point, she couldn't work up the courage or humility to go and get him back.

Because if she had, what would come of it? Nothing would change. Maybe Richard would come home, but would their relationship be any different than it was before? No. Emily wouldn't ask him to come home. Not if he didn't show her he wanted her back. Not if he didn't love her the way he used to.

As they often did when she was alone with her thoughts, these ideas swirled around her mind as she sat in the car, waiting for the valet to come. Her musings were violently interrupted by a near-whiplash-inducing bump as Richard rear-ended her car. She got out of the car and began screaming at him there in front of the valet stand.

But then she saw it. The fire in his eyes when he saw Simon. The forceful tone as he insisted she get in his car so he could take her home. Could this possibly be the sign she had been longing for?

They sat in silence all the way home. Richard concentrated on the road and Emily gazed out the window, periodically glancing over to him, wondering if he'd do anything. This seemed so promising, but perhaps she was getting her hopes up.

She thanked him awkwardly for driving her home, adamantly telling him that she was fine and no medical attention would be necessary.

Seemingly satisfied with her answer, Richard walked past her to go back to his living quarters outside. But he paused. "I don't want to go back to the pool house," he said quietly.

And Emily knew that was as much of a sign as she was going to get. He wasn't happy. He didn't want to be out there. He didn't want to be without her. Her heart swelled. "Come home."

Even though he was faced away from her, she could see the change in his body language. The nervous tension left him and his muscles relaxed. He slowly turned to her, a tentative hint of a smile in his expression. She nodded ever so slightly, and he got the message. He closed the distance between them and took her in his arms, kissing her hard. Their mouths moved together in a desperate frenzy, making up for lost time.

Richard felt moisture on his cheek and felt Emily take in a sharp breath. He pulled back to look at her. She was crying. He could count on one had the number of times he had ever seen her cry. "Sweetheart, what's wrong?"

Her first instinct was to wipe her eyes and force herself to stop the tears, but she'd spent far too much time wrapped up in her pride, shielding herself from the harsh reality that would pierce her vulnerable heart. "I didn't think you'd ever come back to me."

He blinked at her, confused. "You left."

She gave a sad sort of chuckle. "When have you ever let me walk away before?"

Suddenly it dawned on him. "But then you told me to leave!"

"And you used to fight for me."

Richard felt like his heart was being squeezed in his chest. "Oh Emily." He gathered her into his arms and held her close to him. She was still crying, but he couldn't get over how good it felt to hold her like this again. He'd longed for this for months. "I thought this is what you wanted. I've been awful the last few years, taking you for granted and ignoring your needs. I thought the least I could do is set you free, if that's what you wanted."

"All I really want is you. All I really need is for you to love me like you used to." A small part of her hated herself for admitting those things, but the time had come. No more hiding.

Richard tightened his embrace and leaned down to kiss her hair. "I've missed you so much. All this time apart…" He trailed off and sighed. "Emily, I've always loved you. I hope you know that. I've always wanted you and needed you, but at a certain point I just expected you to always be there. Everything in my life is a hollow shell and an empty shadow without you. And I never want to do that again."

Emily looked up at him, her eyes still shining from the tears, but there was something else there, too. Something Richard hadn't seen in a very long time. He knew what it meant, and he wasted no time in taking advantage of the opportunity. He leaned down and began kissing her again, this time slower, taking his time in seducing her with his touch.

She smiled under his lips and began undoing the buttons on his shirt. No more talking. Now it was time for a true reconciliation.


End file.
